The Ancient Smoker (A Parody)

Part I - The Curse

 

He is an ancient smoker, he stoppeth 'neath a tree

With thy long black pipe and glittering eye,

"Wherefore though stoppeth thee?"

The Public Bar is open wide, within a merry din,

The youth accosts the ancient soul "Thou can'st not go within!"

"I have the curse", the old man sighed

"Bin coming here for years,

My pipe and baccy both are banned",

The old man glared, the old man spake,

"Yet I will go within!

By God I'll fight for my right!"

"A pint", he quoth and settled in his place

The taproom glowed, the good beer flowed

Joy shone in his face, the din did grow

The banter flew, he joined that merry crew.

He struck his match, he puffed his pipe

The smoke was thick and strong

The banter dropped, the door flew wide,

A curse came from the throng

The barmaid shrieked, the landlord cried

"Thou can'st not do that 'ere!"

The banter stopped, the silence grew,

His curse was in his hand;

Now 'twas an angry crew

"Be gone!  Get out!  You're banned!

God save the Ancient Smoker

From the curse that plagues thee thus";

Sadly he slipped his moorings and crept into the night

The laughter grew the jibes flew too

He was a sorry sight

 

Part II - The Return of the Ancient Smoker

 

When he joins the Nick O' Tyne Line

Her masts the finest briars

See, she is Rizla rigged

Her crew all true born liars.

She sailed across the harbour bar

And nestled by the quay

He leapt aboard her crying

"I'm going back to sea!

Far from this land

Where smoking's banned

I'll smoke my pipe as is my right!"

They cast off and sailed away

Not to come back for many a day

To do their duty, not to pay it.

 

Part III - The Voyage of the Good Ship Nic O' Tyne

 

A fair wind blew, o'er the waves they flew

Leaving the land behind, they gave a cheer

He lit his pipe and drawing deep

He took a swig of beer

The silver moon sailed in the sky

Softly she was going up

And a star or two besides

His lips were wet, his throat was cold,

His garments all were dank

He was drinking as he slept

And still his body drank.

The helmsman steered, the ship moved on,

A steady breeze still blew,

The mariners all gan work the ropes

As they were wont to do

They were a merry crew.

Like a flying horse they flew

Acorss the boundless Ocean

The sun shone bright, a fair wind blew,

They smoked and drank all day.

They drifted o'er the harbour bar

The rock shone bright, the kirk no less

That stands above the rock

The Harbour Bay was clear as glass

So smoothly was it strewn

In the bay all was dark

in the shadow of the moon

thus they quietly slipped ashore

Stowing their goods in a safe place

Crept out and locked the door

 

To Follow; Part IV - The return of the Happy Smoker

 

John Charles Wrighton, 2008.

 

(He only gave me the text thus far, having mislaid further pages, which he might post me at some future date!)


Comments

  1. Ooops - well spotted! An oversight in the blogs rebirth this year... Now editted to "My Blogroll has now been ordered into sections matching the categories - any more random or eclectic entries will be right at the bottom of the blogroll and not "sectioned"!"

    You have forced me to break with tradition/habit and comment on my own blog since I undertake not to edit visitors comments and you have quoted from the old "About Blogroll" page! Well done, thank you, great comment; love the idea of boiling blogoil!

    Mainframeguy on
  2. Listen, I'm terrified to read this "My Blogroll is eclectic and random and changes a fair bit. I use it as a form of “delicious” bookmarking to save blogs I intend to come back to - one or two are there because I hate the blogs involved and intend to someday post and rant and pillory them (maybe)." So where's the "Friendly" badge next to my name?Could you just let me know when to expect the major onslaught and I'll er...well...er I'll get the boiling blogoil ready to pour over the blogramparts:-)

    dovegreyreader on